FRIEND OR MOM?

Today I’d like to share my thoughts on the following:
I’ve always wanted to be close to my children. Sometimes they make me see that I try TOO hard. As a mother, I know how important it is to be close to them, really get to know them, know about what they do, and how and why they are doing it.
When my daughter was about 15, she told me once about her friend’s mothers, how great they are, they are “hip”, just like her own friends are. At that time, I told her that I wasn´t her friend, and I did not want to be. I said that she had more than enough friends, and that I wanted to be her MOM, because there’s only one MOM, and we all need our Mom. I told her she could share with me her joy, her sadness, her yearnings, her life, and that as her Mom I would always listen, and we would get to know each other better every day.
Growing up as parents with our children is important. It is through them that we learn how to be parents. And every “teenager” in this world needs the love and guidance of his or her parents. We need to act responsibly, set down limits when needed, and grow with them, since it is through them that we learn to be parents. Each and every teenager in this world requires the love and guidance that only we can give them, acting responsibly, and being honest and coherent with them.
Now as a young lady 25 years old, my daughter told me how grateful she was that I was her mother. She said that she carried in her mind, but especially in her heart, every thing I said to her and all our chats when she was a teenager. “I realized that what I needed at that time was a mother, since I had enough friends.”
So please be a MOM or a DAD, be with them, they need you.

World Voices

It has been a long time since I posted my last blog. I guess I was too busy getting ready for summer camp. And while I do this I have been wondering why I chose to embark on this new voyage, "World Voices?"

Ever since I moved to USA with my three children, ages 12, 10 and 2 and a half, old, I realized how difficult it has been for the older ones to find their place in this new country. Where we used to come only on vacation to have a good time, and suddenly, one day we stayed for good. Everything was different from home as they were exposed to a new language and a new culture.
When we told them we were moving because of daddy's job, it was very hard for them. They were confused because, besides leaving friends and family in our country, they had to learn to speak in English while they were trying to fit in.
This was the hardest part: my older boy tried very hard to fit in and learn a new language and a different culture. He was bullied by the other children, and we didn't even know why. He had always made friends very easily, and he really tried, oh yes! How he tried! He wanted to be part of a soccer team -he was an excellent player and had played since he was 5 year old- so he tried out, but not knowing the language he could not understand what the coaches were saying, and of course he was rejected.
My daughter, in middle school, was in the same situation. She couldn't understand: "Mommy, why are they so mean, I'm just trying to be nice and make friends. They just don't like me...Why?" On the tennis court, going to regional’s and sectionals , very motivated to play, one day she just said, "I'm not enjoying tennis any more, it just isn´t fun anymore, I have no friends."

I gave it a lot of thought. I knew the other kids were not being mean. They just couldn´t understand and were wary of something they didn't know. It's totally normal; it takes time to understand other cultures and other languages.
The little one, on the other hand, was fitting very well in preschool and learned the new language before he turned three. When we went somewhere and met other people, he would look at me and ask: English or Spanish?
Throughout these 12 years of living in San Diego I have realized how many different cultures there are around us. How much more we have to learn , how hard or easy it is for our children to fit in this global world ...and I tell myself, we parents are responsible for giving them as much as we can, to help them evolve, to learn other languages, other cultures... because their world will be different from ours. Their world will be the whole world.
Just now, as we were watching the end of the French Open, we realized three different languages were spoken at the awards ceremony. Ours is a huge world!

Happy Mothers Day!

It is not too late since in Mexico we celebrate Mothers day always on May 10th. So I hope all of you had an have a great day today! You deserve it.
I do not want to start saying that we should be celebrated every day, but I think that we should ;), because since I became a mother for the first time, every day is Mothers day! With ups and downs,with happiness and sorrow, with triumphs and failures. From soccer to tennis to water polo games, to the emergency room, to cook, to comfort, to hug (I love
hugs!) To the emergency room again, to the OR waiting room and everything else!
I would never change anything of those moments for anything else. To lift my little daughter crying after she fell and tell her not to worry and that everything will be ok, to keep on playing. To hug her twenty years later in silence with her pain in my heart, and to tell her not to worry and keep playing... play life.To see the most wonderful young adult ever passionate and caring, so caring that hurts. Remind him what a great person he is and encourage him to keep going.And my amazing teen ager that is just starting to realize who he is and what he is capable of. He who is always smiling, and who’s everyone’s favorite in the family, because he has the capability of making everyone smile like him.

Every single day of my life since 1986, being a mother is the best choice I could have ever made. Besides marring my husband, of course, my friend, and my life.
So what can I say to all of you mothers? Never regret this choice, enjoy even the hardest moments, one day they will look at you and say “I'm so grateful to have you as my mom, and everything you have taught me is not only in my mind, but also deep in my heart”.

To finish I would love to share this poem by Mother Teresa of Calcuta;

Enseñarás a volar...pero no volarán tu vuelo.
You will teach them to fly.... but they won't fly your flight.
Enseñarás a soñar...pero no soñarán tus sueños.
You will teach them to dream.... but they won't dream your dreams.
Enseñarás a vivir...pero no vivirán tu vida.
You will teach them to live... but they won't live your life.
Enseñarás a cantar...pero no cantarán tu canción.
You will teach them to sing... but they won't sing your song.
Enseñarás a pensar...pero no pensarán como tú.
You will teach them to think.... but they won't think like you.
Pero sabrás que cada vez que ellos vuelen, sueñen, vivan, canten y
piensen... ¡Estará en ellos la semilla del camino enseñado y aprendido! ESTARAS TU !!!
But you will now that every time they fly, Dream, live, and
think...You will be in them, the seed of a road thought and learned.
YOU WILL BE THERE!

Happy mothers day! Feliz dia de las madres!


Especially to those who without being a mother, they still are.

Is Your Child Plugged In?

I have been thinking about this a lot in the past years and this weekend I was not able to get it out of my mind. It is something that worries me more and more with time. I am well aware that technology and other communication mediums are part of our daily lives and something that we all adapt to, especially the newer generations. It worries me so much though, how it is affecting the little ones, our kids and future generations. I see little boys and girls getting dropped off for preschool and they are connected to their car televisions. I see it every day. When I have asked the parents why they do this, their response is that it is the only way to get them in the car and take sit on their chairs. Please! We are talking about 18 month old babies to 5 year old kids! YOU are the parent. This is precisely the most important phase in their lives since it is in this first five years that the brain will develop and they will obtain 75% of their vocabulary. So you can imagine how I feel when I see this. I just look at the kids and say “They have plugged you in again!” and just like this example I have seen many; from a kid playing video games at the table, a 7 month old baby connected to an Ipad and a teenager texting. This is how we loose the ability and capacity to communicate.

I urge you all to start taking advantage of these moments with your children in the car to talk to them, to sing with them or even to learn a new language with them, just as I did when I first arrived to the US with my two year old. We sang so much that my vocabulary grew tremendously. More than anything, we can use this time to build a deeper relationship with them. Even now that I have two adult children and a teenager, I take advantage of opportunities like this to all ride in the same car and sing songs like “Our House” by Cosby, Still, Nash and Young. It is one of our favorites and we all sing along. We have so much fun with it! 

I see how plugging them is the EASIEST thing to do in order to avoid a tantrum or a fight. What we are not realizing is that we are fermenting  and creating a lack of tolerance in a child that is still our responsibility and in our hands. Sometimes we are in a hurry and don’t want to struggle, but but what its worth,  lets change this and turn these into quality moments with them. I can assure you that you will feel a lot better and that your relationship with your kids will deepen. 

So I close this post leaving you to think: Is your child PLUGGED IN?

Tweet

For my first post I would like to share a recent experience. As I mentioned before I am a very passionate teacher. I just love to see the way a child is capable of learning. You can tell from the expression on their little faces that they are amazed at their work and they feel so proud. It is an extraordinary feeling to know that you have helped them feel this way about learning. When you get good feedback from the parents, that is just the cherry on top.

I give private lessons to kids all ages, and today it was time to say goodbye to two sweet kids, a 6 and a 7 year old. When I first started working with them the parents were especially concerned about the little one. This boy (as all other little boys) was extremely interesting, especially the way he was so fascinated with amphibians. They were concerned because they thought I would have a hard time since he had never showed any interest in schoolwork. But by the end of the four weeks they told me how thankful they were, and I could feel their appreciation. This is a good feeling, yet a better one was when he hugged me and said "I'm gonna miss you so much" .. I'm so proud of him! He was just great. Thank God for children, they bring so much joy into this world!

Sometimes as parents we can worry a little too much. We have to remember that these little ones are not as complicated as we are as adults. You need only to be straightforward, honest, and have congruency in your words and actions to make them feel confident and secure. This will help them grow into self-confident adults therefore helping them live a happier life.

My blog and I

Working with children is my passion. I was a teacher for more than 15 years to  elementary and middle school kids.  I am a proud mother of three children, with the youngest one entering his teenage years. I like to share the knowledge I have aquired throughout the years about kids and motherhood. I hope that my experiences are helpful for new moms out there. I am always happy to listen to other moms and exchange opinions and advise.

I want to invite you all to keep coming back regularly and check for new posts. My objective for this blog is that you find the content interesting, fun, usefull, and insightfull.

Feel free to leave any comments or questions that you might have. I want this blog to be a place where mothers can exchange stories and experiences, but most of all to give and recieve advise when needed.

love,

Martha